Little-Kid Glee

When I was in my first spring semester of college, I was taking my first semester of Chinese. I would get so excited after every Chinese lesson, I'd practically beg any Chinese friend I had to let me practice small words with them. Even if it was just, "Hi, how are you?" It was like opening a child's eyes, in  sense, to a new passion that would stick with them for life.

Ever see a little kid when they learn something? It's probably one of the coolest things I've ever seen. The way their eyes light up when they've grasped something they were taught. Afterwards, they've got to show this new thing they've learned to every person they see. The weird thing is when adults do it. Not because they're excited about what they've learned, but in some cases it can be seen as bragging.

No matter what age, that little-kid glee always shows whenever someone learns something new about their passion. Personally, I love watching that in people. It's a great thing. No matter the age, the eyes light up the same whenever someone discovers something new or grasps a new lesson.

These days, I've been busing myself with projects so I can get that Little-Kid glee back. I gave up on trying to find my old Chinese books for now. But once I've found them, you better believe I'll be pouring myself into them again so I can remember the reading and writing part. I'm surprised at how much I still remember of the speaking. Reading and writing, however, is a different story.

It's been surprisingly hard for me to get the Glee back. The closest is when I create things. Whether it's making a new blog post or writing a new story, or making movies on my computer or creating my covers of different songs. I thoroughly enjoy creating. That same kind of inner peace I get when I was learning Chinese.

 I don't like to not learn. I feel like I'm wasting my brain. If I can learn something. Anything, my little-kid glee might come back. One can only hope.

Now to give this place a smile. Awkward pic of the post!

That Ratty Piece of Clothing...

We all have that one piece of clothing that we can't seem to throw away because for some unknown reason, we favor it so much. It can be ratty, filled with holes, be so big that you look fatter than Oprah at her heaviest. Yet, despite nothing being flattering about said piece of clothing, for some reason you can't seem to throw it away.

For some people, it's a pair of socks. Others it's a T-shirt or a pair of jeans. For others it can be panties or other sorts of underwear. (I won't judge if your favorite ratty clothing is a pair of underwear.)

Mine is a light blue tank top that's about two sizes too big for me now. There's a picture of a pink-haired fairy on it and has rips and tears everywhere. I actually have to wear a second shirt underneath the tank top so that I'm not giving off any side-boob. I've had it since my senior year of high school, and for some reason I can't bring myself to throw it away. Don't ask my why, cause I really don't know. It doesn't have any sentiment too it. It's just a shirt. That I can't get rid of.

No matter how hard you try to deny it, everyone has at least one piece of fabric that you can't seem to throw away no matter how hard you try. So tell me, what's yours?

Awkward picture of the day!

Facebook Doesn't do this Thought Justice

It won't be very often I make posts about myself. Very rare, actually. I don't like to get too personal on a blog. It gets tacky if it's done too much. Especially on one like this one that has no actual theme. Just random thoughts that pop through my head.

Anyway, it goes something like this. At a party I was at last night, a small conversation came up about zodiacs. How we'd identify by both Chinese zodiac and the Astrological zodiac. Mine happens to be Sagittarius and the Year of the Rabbit. Archer and Rabbit. Or to really put it in interesting terms: The Hunter AND the Hunted.

So if I were to spend my life following horoscopes, does that mean I'll be spending my life trying to find myself, or constantly shooting myself in the ass?

We've got the Sagittarius side, who is constantly seeking, searching, a constant thirst for knowledge. Never wants to sit down. Always on the go. I've read some horoscopes that will go as far as to say that my fashion will change depending on the places I travel to in my life time. I'm sure I've seen it here and there. I've adopted some random fashions from the places I've been.

And then there's the Rabbit. The Rabbit is supposed to be the luckiest of the signs. Unfortunately, it's never been clear on whether or not that luck is good or bad. Not only that, but if the Rabbit was so lucky, why didn't it win first place instead of the Rat in Buddha's race? (If it was Buddha that had that race in the first place. I could be wrong there.).

Either way, it actually explains a lot...

If I were to go by the zodiacs...

A Post to Fit the Title of this Blog

As the summer goes on, a strange thought occurred to me. People, young and old, wear shorts. Except me. I'm a little shy about what my legs look like. It's not that my legs are wrinkly. My legs are covered in mosquito bites. But really, who has ever seen a wrinkly leg?

Think about it. Faces wrinkle. Arms wrinkle. Fat rolls wrinkle. Even our hands and feet wrinkle. Has anyone ever seen a pair of legs wrinkle? Legs get skinny, fat, veiny, and bony. But do they ever get wrinkly? Hairy. Never wrinkly. How is it that they're the one body part that never develops wrinkles? It's a strange development.

Awkward picture of the day!

How to Define a Good Person

These days, it seems like people define being good as being perfect. Whenever someone makes the smallest mistake, people cling to that person's mistake till the end of time. Being good to people is like wearing shaping underwear that's three sizes too small. When you make a mistake, it rips, and you have nothing to replace it with. So you're stuck with ripped underwear for all to see.

This isn't a new thing. Throughout history the most important figures are written as perfect figures. Think about it. Most people can not think of any imperfections that George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, Martin Luther King Junior, or Eleanor Roosevelt might have. The only way anyone could find a dark side to any of these figures would be if somebody studied these figures. Writing this post, I can tell you I can't tell you any certain imperfections of these people. Except Ben Franklin. I can tell you Ben Franklin owned slaves and used sex to get the French on our side during the Revolution. But other than that, I couldn't tell you about any other dark side.

The point I'm trying to make with this is that people try so hard to be perfectly good that when when all the bad they've done is thrust upon them, they forget a very important part.... owning up. Part of being a good person is not keeping tabs on all the good deeds you've done in your life. That's insignificant compared to the times you've stepped back and admitted you were wrong.

I will not sit here and tell you I'm a good person. There are people I hate, people I dislike. I've sat here and talked about others behind their backs. I've made fun of others, insulted them, bitch-slapped someone in the parking lot of a restaurant when they made me mad. I even got myself blocked during a game of drunken facebook roulette. I'm not proud of what I did at all. In fact, I feel childish of all of the stuff I did. If I ever want to feel like a good person in the future, I have to step back and admit this stuff happened. That's the bitter truth of it.

Moral of the post. If someone tries to tell you they're a good person, chances are they're not. The ones that try to tell they're not a good person are probably a better person than the ones that are. If not, then they're at least more humble.

Awkward picture of the day!

 

When Female Friends Get Married

The hardest thing to get used to when a female friend gets married is not being able to call them by their maiden name anymore. They're still the same person. The only thing that's changed about them is the last name. So if you've called them by the last name, then you have to get used to calling them by the first name now, or by a different last name. So that might be a little hard to deal with. Maybe. Or you might have to come up with a completely different name. Something. Names in general can be hard to deal with. Who knows?

Congratulations, my buddy who just got married, whose name I can no longer say cause she has a different one, and I haven't come up with a new one yet. lol


Awkward picture of the day!

CACTUS MONSTER!!!!!

While I was walking to the Front End at work today, I happened to notice a cactus. Cacti are a normal thing this time of year, but this one seemed, well, different. It had its usual cactus stance in a tiny cactus pot. Black plastic pot. The little plant, itself, had had a pointy popcorn look. Light green leaves pointing out from top to bottom. Pointy popcorn.

Then I noticed something weird about the cactus. From the left and right side of it, there were vines growing out. These vines looked quite long, curly, and have little leaves growing out of them. I couldn't stop staring at it. It was the strangest thing I've ever seen. I've discussed a villainous Cotton-Candy Fingers with one coworker, maybe this could be the enemy?

Imagine it, this tiny cactus monster, using it's skinny viney arms to push itself out of the fragile black pot its roots were confined in. It uses its arms to walk around until he finds his victims. Then, it does the horrifying. It buries its roots in the dirt, waiting for the victim to walk by. When the victim's ankle walks by him, he slowly wraps its leg around the walking unfortunate. Then, he tightens his grip when the victim is far enough away. For a thin vine, it's scary-strong.

The moment the vine tightens, Cactus Monster tugs so hard, the unfortunate falls! Another tug rips the cactus from the dirt and sends it flying in the air, landing on top of the victim. I won't describe the rest if the person is defenseless...

In case you're wondering, yes, you just read a post about evil cactus. How do you feel?

Awkward Picture of the day!

Mind blown yet?

Chameleon Day

Bad Day

I finally decided what to do with my life, and I set out to research what to do about it. How did it go, you ask? Completely fruitless. All the hotels around here simply laughed at me when I asked if they work with event planners. Not only do they not have event planners, but the managers do it themselves. Maybe I worded it wrong, but I was laughed at. Completely laughed at. I was actually close to tears when I got off the phone with one hotel staff member. I just want to know how to break in the program.

I wish I knew a better way of breaking into the program. I did find a website to help out. And I had a great talk with a former roommate. So now that should help me out. The only problem being that I'm so broke that I don't know if any company would help me with relocation. Especially when almost all great opportunities I've found have specifically said relocation help not an option. Maybe this is proof my life is cursed? Or maybe the town I'm living in is cursed.

How it Changed to Good.

A friend asked me to come to the beach with her. Great Swim. :) A little ice cream, and even though I wasn't sure how I'd feel about 50 Shades of Grey, I read two and a half chapters to the same friend, and she immediately bought the book after the reading. It was amazing. I felt accomplished. Somebody is reading a book now.

Grown Ups 2

If you haven't seen this movie yet, google the closest movie theatre to you and look for it! Then get in your car and drive to that theatre. Make sure you get the earliest time you can possibly go. Then sit in the theatre and watch that movie. It was awesome!

If you don't know what Grown Ups 2 is, here's the synopsis. The four guys from the first Grown Ups movie have come back to town. Mainly Adam Sandler's character. If I remember correctly from the first one. Adam Sandler's character went to Hollywood and married a fashion designer there. Well, he moves his family to his hometown to raise them. It seems like it's not a lot, but holy crap! The things that happen in this movie. I don't want to describe them because that would just take away from it!

One thing I did find strange about the movie was all the CGI animation throughout the movie. I don't think I've ever seen that much in a movie since Harry Potter.  I found that to be the most interesting that I've ever seen.

If I talk any more about the movie, I'm just going to sound like a ramble-fest. The movie was great. So much hilarity. It must be watched!

Awkwardness with Grandma.... and Other things

So, have you ever been lectured on what to do on facebook by the older generation? It strikes me as hilarious. Someone from my generation creates a social media. Then the older generation comes on and continues to tell us what to do. Some of it is insightful, other times it seems like they're just doing it to gripe.

We'll take, for example, my grandma. It's no secret that employers will go on your facebook. At times even override your firewall somehow so they can see your posts that only your friends can see. What does she do? Lectures me on what to post on facebook, who to add, etc. She even proceeds to go on my facebook page, through her facebook, so she can look for posts to tell me are horrible. Little did she know that I've modified my posts so she can't see anything unless I post pictures and statuses. I don't want to feel bad about being who I am. So when she went to find something to yell at me about, there was nothing. So she decided to show me other people's facebooks to show what she meant. Granted, these were already things I had no intentions of posting, but still. It's ridiculous.

And now for something completely different!

To help with getting excited for Prophecy being almost finished, I've decided to create playlists for important characters. It's going to be a long process, I know, but it'll help me get more motivated to finish editing, write the query and proposal, then send out my story to publishing companies. I'm excited! It'll work! Hope so anyway.

If You Haven't Noticed, There's No Theme

The oddest idea came to me today. One of my biggest challenges when writing stories is describing things and making sure my characters keep the same personality throughout the story. I thought of a great idea to keep the characters' personalities strong! Here it is...

I have a passion for music. So, what if I determined the kind of music my characters would listen to if they were living in this day and age?

Here's my perfect example. For those that don't know, I've been working on the sequel to Prophecy while I've been waiting to get my new computer back.

What is Prophecy you ask? Prophecy is the novel that I've been working on since I was 15. Once my computer comes in, and the hard-drive from the old computer gets put in the new one, I'll be nit-picking the hell out of it to make sure it's spotless.

What's Prophecy about? Simple. It's the story of Lina Rayne, a teenage girl who lost her parents when she was younger and now lives with her aunt Pam and cousin Ian. There was an uncle involved, but he ran three years before the story begins. Her mother had disappeared one day while on a trip to the store. Her father disappeared not long after that to look for her mother. This left Lina a very bitter teenager. Lately, her cousin Ian had been having some weird black-outs, one of those resulting in a freak accident that thrusts Lina into another world.

Lina finds herself nearly kidnapped by a greedy, rapey pimp who's in search of escaped merchandise and is quickly rescued by a soldier in training named Ben. The victory is short-lived when they're captured by a small band of Runaway Slaves lead by a girl named Lorelei. Lorelei believes herself to be the warrior of ancient prophecies. Together, the three of them must travel across the world of Veldima to find a mysterious wanderer so Loreleli can prove herself. It's the only way Lina can get home. They have to do this before the Demon King, Hafusel, rises up and begins to wreak havoc on the world.

Dumb plot? Can Lina help Lorelei and Ben save the world from the evil Demon King Hafusel?

Real Plot? If Lina helps defeat Hafusel, will she be able to move on?

I know what you're thinking. What the hell does that have to do with my music tirade? Simple! Music can usually help you figure out a person's personality, so if you knew the personalities of your characters, what kind of music do you think they'd listen to?

Take Lina. As Lina tends to be a little bitter, and slightly bitchy, she would probably be into My Chemical Romance. Or anything along the alternative rock/emo stage. Sometimes she gets a potty- mouth, so that maybe she goes for bands that have a lot of swearing in their songs.

Ian is focused a lot in the sequel. I've found with Ian, Mars Volta works wonders.

See? Music is one of the greatest companions to writing stories. It takes your story to places you didn't expect. Try it sometime when you're bored and need to either make a character assessment. Or even writing a story! Pick a band, and then start writing to see what kind of story you get when you've got that band playing. It'll be a fun experiment!

The Heat

Finally! Finally! A movie with a female protagonist that DOESN'T center on her going from Ugly Duckling to Beautiful Swan! Not only that, but for once there's no central plot of girl trying to get the guy! It was simply an action/comedy! It was freakin awesome!

First off, Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy need to make more movies together. The two of them were a great duo. Oddly, I could kind of see this movie getting turned into a spin-off TV show. Everything about it was sitcom material. You'd probably only see it on HBO cause of the language in it. (Which, by the way, I LOVED that there was a female that swore more than the male characters in the show. It's about time there was someone out there with more of a potty-mouth than me when I get going on a rant.)

Speaking of language, Melissa McCarthy's character was GREAT! Her performance was awesome! That woman made the show! It might've been pulled off with another actor, but it wouldn't have had the gold it did with McCarthy. She knows what the hell she's doing as that character. When she gets those potty-mouth roles, she knows how to milk them. It works out amazingly.

The only thing I really didn't like was the relationship between Sandra Bullock and Marlan Wayan's characters. The relationship seemed like it was slightly forced. And somewhat thrown in there to make it look more like a chick flick. Other than that, I loved this movie!

Old Story I'm Debating on Continuing

Here's a snippet of a story I started writing but couldn't finish cause I couldn't make it go anywhere...

************

Hands roughly shake my shoulders, jolting me awake. My heart beats so rapidly my chest burns. My breath turns rapid while my body shakes. I'm unable to move, unable to speak as the intruder continues shaking me.

"Step-mother!" That familiar voice snaps my eyes open. "Queen Melody! Oh, please wake up! It's Snow White!"

My eyes focused on the small figure in front of me. Hair black as ebony, lips red as blood, skin as white as snow. The mirror's words echoed as I gazed at Snow White from my bed. I squeeze my eyes shut and open them once again. She was really standing before me. Her lips pursed together, dark eyes narrowed. She didn't wear bed clothes but peasant clothes under an old cloak.

"You live!" I say happily. I want to laugh and pull her in my arms. The look on her face keeps me from jumping from the bed and doing so.

"I wish this meeting could be happier," she replies sadly, "but you must leave the castle now."

"I don't understand, Princess," I say as I slowly get out of bed. "What's happened?"

"Princess! Your majesty! King Artemy is on his way!" a servant girl, whose name I can never remember, rushes in my bedroom. She looks about my age, maybe a little older. Her hair is tied back in a tight bun. Two strands frame each side of her angular face. Her eyes are the same blue-gray as mine. With the right makeup and jewels, she could be my decoy.

"There's no time!" Snow White says hastily. "Quickly! Put on the Queen's best gown!"

"Yes Princess," The girl crosses to my wardrobe at the right of my bed and rummages through my gowns. As she strips before us, we hear faint footsteps approaching.

"We must go now!" Snow White rips my nightgown off me and wordlessly helps me into a plain black dress. She ties a cloak around me.

"My father is on his way to arrest you," Snow White explains quickly. My heart sinks. My hand clutches my chest; there as no reason for him to do this.

"For what crime?" I demand. Snow White doesn't answer right away but walks past the servant girl to the window by the wardrobe. She pushes it open. I give the servant girl a pitiful look. She gives me a brave, sad smile. A smile I'd seen before, long ago. I embrace the girl and kiss her on the forehead. Then I lead her to the jewelry box inside the wardrobe.

"Pick your favorite jewels," I say to her.

"We must hurry, Melody!" Snow White urges. The footsteps grow louder. they are almost at my door. Snow White and I cannot leave in time! I thrust my hand towards my step-daughter. Black smoke pours from my palm and engulfs her, making her disappear once it clears. I raise my hand above me and let the smoke consume me as well.

The servant girl is careful not to look around the room as my husband and his two best guards barge in my room. The girls knows Snow White and I are still in the room, for she has seen me cast this spell before. To Snow White, I look like a ghost. While she and I can see each other, the other people in the room cannot see the two of us.

"Trust me," I whisper in the servant's ear as I raise my finger up her neck. She blinks but makes no other sign I've taken over her speech. From the corner of my eye, I can see Snow White open her mouth to speak. My eyes bore into hers, and I shake my head. One sound from her, and the spell will be broken. Snow White's mouth snaps shut.

"Melody, my queen," Artemy greets, his grin growing as he speaks. "Such a surprise to see you dressed at this hour!" His graying mustache twitches under his small nose. He stands tall and straight while his two men stand on either side of him, their swords drawn. The king's long, silvery-black hair hangs past his shoulders. It must be late if he didn't bother to tie his hair back.

"It isn't proper for a king to see his queen when she's not at her best," the servant says. Her lips move, but my voice comes out. While my hand is on her shoulder, my lips move. This is so the words are right. After my lips stop moving, the servant smiles sweetly. Artemy's blue eyes watch my impostor then glance towards me.

The moon appears behind Snow White out the window. Moonlight makes the swords and black armor glow strangely. It gives Artemy's eyes an other-worldly glow. I'd once heard he descended from the fey. Seeing him in this light showed me how such stories could come about.

"Why have you come, dear husband?" I ask.

"To place you under arrest," he says, his voice low and pleasant. The sound of his voice could convince anyone to do whatever he wanted.

"Under what grounds?" I demand. My decoy makes a fist.

"Attempted murder, of course," he answers.

"Of who?" My decoy tries to step forward, but I grip her shoulder tighter. I notice the guards slightly raise their swords.

"Snow White," he says, "for it was, in fact, your apple that poisoned her. Your jealousy of her that drove you to commit such a heinous crime."

My body grows cold. I can't describe the shock going through me. Even though I know his words are false, I find myself believing him. Snow White watches me with caution.

"Many nights I heard you ask that mirror who was the fairest of all," he continued. "Oh, the anger that'd arise from you when the answer became Snow White!"

"That's not true!" my decoy shouts.

"If her betrothed hadn't found her lying in that glass coffin..."

"Betrothed?" the servant repeats.

"And now you're under arrest," Artemy says, "for your crimes, you'll dance to death in hot iron shoes!"

"You can't!" My servant and I protest together, almost making me reappear.

"Take her away," Artemy turns his back to us and waves his hand dismissively.

"It's not true!" the servant says. "I love Snow White! i love you! You know none of this is true, Artemy!" As the guards grab each arm and take the girl away, he turns; he seems to look in my eyes.

"Try as you may," he says coldly, "you will never be Amelia. Amelia was kind and made me a very happy man in our short marriage. You've been misery, cruelty. The only reason I married you was Snow White was too young for royal duties. There was never love between us. There never will be for as long as I live."

As he speaks, the pain in my chest grows. My hands are on my chest as I sink to my knees. I feel tears falling down my face. Snow White is at my side. She pulls my arm until I stand. Artemy walks away, his echoing footsteps fading until they disappear.

"We must go," Snow White's voice is low and hollow. I wonder if she believed her father's words as well. If she does, she makes no sign of it.

Though he's gone, Snow White and I are careful not to make any noise as we walk to the window. Artemy always had secret guards. Snow White beckons me to the window, and I follow. I look down; no horses waited for us on the ground. It would be a very high fall.

"It's the only way," Snow White whispers. her face is pale as she looks down.

"Snow White," I say; she looks in my eyes. They're as ethereal as her father's. Hopefully, that was the only thing she inherited from that man.

"Trust me," I offer my hand. She swallows hard, then nods. The princess takes my hand. Vibrations pass from my body to hers, and I see her relax. Her body spasms and loosens a bag strapped to her back. I didn't notice it before. Together, we step on the window's ledge and jump.

Our cloaks billow behind us as we float. We're like feathers letting the gentle breeze carry us to the soft grass below. Snow White's grip on my hand tightens. I fear she'll break it. The girl is much stronger than she realizes. Her grip is so tight, I can feel her pulse.

We keep walking when our feet touch the dirt so we don't trip upon landing. Snow White stumbles, but she regains her balance quickly. She lets go of my hand and walks in front of me at a quicker pace, her bag swaying from side to side as she steps. We remain silent as we distance ourselves from the castle. Every few steps, Snow White looks back to make sure we're not being followed. She avoids any paths that lead to the city in case the guards are already aware of my escape.

The sky is a mix of gray, pink, purple and green. A streak of blood-orange runs through the colors like a river through a thick jungle. Dawn. The most beautiful time of day.

A black horse stands at the edge of the forest, tied to a tree. It neighs and shakes its mane at the sight of us approaching. Its mane flows like it has its own breeze. Its saddled, stomping its front hoof the closer we approach.

Snow White unties the horse and leads it to me. it makes a noise and backs away when I reach to pet it. My eyes sting as I hold back tears. I hold my breath so I don't cry from the animal's reaction. Curse my mother's forceful teaching!

"It believes I'm evil too," I say. The pain in my heart grows. Snow White gives me a pitiful look. She pets the horse's muzzle. Her lips move like she's whispering to the beast. She lets go, and it approaches me warily. I reach my hand out a second time. Its fur feels coarse and oily.

"Thank you," I whisper, half-crying.

"Her name is Sophia," Snow White explains.

"Sophia," I repeat.

"Rest in daylight," Snow White instructs, "Travel only by night. Don't take the roads through the Emerald Sea. Stay away. Sophia won't need guiding. She knows the forest like it's her second home. When you emerge from the forest, you'll be safe. Sophia will come back to me. Take this."

Snow White takes off her bag and gives it to me. It feels so heavy and rough. I wonder how such a small girl can carry such a heavy bag as far as she does. I open it and gasp. Inside are five large, perfectly round apples.

"Snow White," I sigh.

"These apples healed me," she says, "and now, I'm giving them to you. One apple will cure every ailment."

"I don't know what to say," I reply.

"Then say nothing," she smiles. "You're the only mother I've ever known. I hate you must leave now, but I would rather see you alive than dead."

"Thank you!" I whisper, pulling her into a tearful embrace. At first, she doesn't  move. Then her arms go around me. She squeezes with all the strength she has left. When we let go, I give her one of the apples.

"I don't understand," she says.

"You need your strength for the journey back to the castle." I tell her. "Your father will become suspicious if you turn up missing." She nods then takes a bite.

"The servant girl," I say, "what was her name?" Snow White closes her eyes for a moment then raises her head and opens her eyes. Her sad look tells me she doesn't know.

"Go now," I tell Snow White, "Watch over that girl." She finishes the apple. Then she throws the core on the ground and runs back to the castle. She looks back one last time. I climb Sophia's back, swinging one leg over. I'm not used to sitting like a man. I tug the reins and Sophia trots into the Emerald Sea. Within a few steps, I slump forward, falling asleep on the creature.

How to Over-think a Fortune Cookie

Lee's Kitchen. Something about that place makes food taste good. Some of the best Chinese food I've ever eaten has come from there. And like any other Chinese restaurant, they give you fortune cookies with the bill.

I don't know about anyone else, but I love fortune cookies. They're epic to me. Not only do they taste good, but it's fun to brush up on my Chinese in the back of the fortune. Some of my worst rants have been because the pinyin on the fortune was spelled wrong. (Pinyin, for non-Chinese speakers, is the pronunciation of a character written in English.).

But back on topic. Today, I was finishing up a meal at Lee's when our cookies came out. My niece and her friend were quick to grab their cookies, tossing the last one to me. Each of them had a great fortune talking about how they'll be successful in life and business. Then came mine...

"A balding man asked his barber, "Why you charge me full price?"

BOOM! Time to figure out what the hell that fortune meant! Like a switch flipped in my head to try to decipher this little piece of paper. Was it a way of asking why I'm here? Could it be a way of telling me it's time for a change? Maybe it was some insanely veiled way of telling me to challenge the system! Or maybe it was one of those things where I'd have to go on some epic quest fighting monsters, saving people, and becoming a hero to the world!

Or maybe it was just a piece of paper. Sometimes a horse is just a horse. Sometimes a paper is just a paper.

And fun fact. Chinese Fortune Cookies are made in America.

Nice Guys Finish Last? Think Again

There is no phrase I hate more than this one...

"Nice guys finish last."

We all have at least one friend that says it, guy or girl. To be fair, girls have their own variation of this phrase too. Unlike guys, girls tend to attack one another for the way they look, but that's a whole other story for another day. With guys, they could be the coolest person to hang out with. Unfortunately, the moment they have their sights set on someone they think they have a chance with, sometimes you can't help but wonder how long after the rejection you hear that dreaded phrase.

 Some of us have had the misfortune of dating someone that constantly whined about being the nice guy. You can't help but think, "Thanks for telling me I'm nothing, ass-douche!" (I hope some you do what I wish I did in that situation and gave the guy a good punch in the throat. Not that I'm one that condones violence all the time...).  To me, it seems the ones crying about their nice guy status are the worst of the bunch. This may not always be true, but my douche-bag senses can't help but go nuts the moment, "Nice guys finish last" comes out of a male's mouth.

I know, it sounds strange to hate it. But here's why.

1. It automatically makes it sound like the person you're talking about, in most cases a girl, only goes for people that treat her like crap. When a guy complains about the girl of his dreams going for "bad guys" and never looking to him because he's a nice guy it can get insulting. Like he assumes the girl likes the attention she gets when she's with the wrong guy. Especially if the girl is being treated poorly in public. Now if there's abuse going on, yes! That is a douche! He has a good reason to be vocal. If he's aware of the guy cheating, same deal. Another good reason to be vocal about the relationship. But if a guy simply doesn't like the girl's boyfriend and gives him the douche label, that's just whining/complaining. It's none of his business who the girl chooses. Nor is it his business what happens in the relationship. The boyfriend could be a completely different person in private than he is in public. The choice needs to be respected.

2. It shows how insecure the guy really is. In my experience the ones that claim to be "nice guys" tend to be the ones that are the most insecure. These guys could be the ones that can't see any value in themselves unless they have a girlfriend/boyfriend. Sometimes they're extremely unhappy and think a girlfriend will wave the Magic Wand of Happiness. A lot of the time, she can't. These guys are usually the meanest when a rejection happens as well. Don't get me started on the double-standards either.

3. The girl is put in a lose-lose situation. "Nice guys" have an ugly habit of putting girls in very awkward and often demeaning positions. What it all comes down to is this. Either she can be the symbol of his self-worth by becoming his girlfriend, or she can be a really crappy consolation prize by keeping him in the friend-zone.

When I was in high school, the only times I was asked out were by guys that put their value on whether or not they had a girlfriend. If I said yes to them, it was for the wrong reasons. Either I was bullied into dating them or because I couldn't take the constant begging. It didn't take long for me to get that guy feeling that it wasn't right and broke up with them a few days later. I still vividly remember one guy yelling, "FUCK!" and going on a rant about why girls always reject him after I said no to dating him. I'd find myself questioning if they really liked me or if they simply wanted a girlfriend.

College was a little different. I did have a boyfriend. But after a bad breakup and a failed attempt at staying friends, I found out it wasn't because he actually liked me. He saw a girlfriend as a status symbol. He couldn't feel good about himself unless he was with a girl. Many times during our relationship, I found myself questioning whether or not he liked me or just wanted a girlfriend. My first clue should've been his insistence on talking about every girl under the sun rejecting him because he was nice to his roommate in front of me. And constantly talking about the girls he could've been with if I didn't butt in. That's all water in the bridge.

Is there such thing as a nice guy? Yes. A true nice guy doesn't seek attention for all the good things he's done for anyone. He's humble when you thank him and express your appreciation. He may not always act like a nice guy either. The true nice guy could be the very "douche" the supposed "nice guy" was complaining about in the first place. It's hard to say. In my experience, the real nice guys are aren't ones to seek attention. If he gets rejected, he'll be sad. I've never known anyone to take a rejection in stride. But he won't dwell on it.

In conclusion, the phrase, "Nice guys finish last" needs to be killed with fire. The moment it's said, that guy is crowning himself World's Biggest Asshole. When guys realize this, maybe the phrase from hell will be destroyed forever. One can only hope.