And Now, the Fun Part

Excellent! I have finished Prophecy! And now to hunt for publishing companies.

So far in my hunt, I've found that most of the companies in Michigan are Christian-based companies. Nothing's more annoying to a publisher than a new author that doesn't read the guidelines. And considering two of my characters.... It wouldn't be a good idea.

But! No worries. It's just trying to figure out what my book qualifies as.

It's a modern-day Wizard of Oz, essentially. When a girl has a freak accident where she and her cousin fall through a patch of thin ice, she wakes up in a different world. She befriends a soldier in training and a freed slave. She finds that if she ever wants to go home, she must help the freed slave find a man who is the key to awakening a prophecy that effects the whole world.

Dumb plot: Can the girl help fulfill this prophecy and save the world?

Real plot: If she does this, can she move on?

I hope that helps sum it up. Now it's time to figure out what genre to sell it to. hmm.....

How to be a Woman WITHOUT Popping Out Kids

One day, I read a Time Magazine article talking about how in America, womanhood is determined by being a mother. Weirded me out because I'm in my mid-20's with not a kid to be seen. And apparently, according to society, that means I'm just a girl, not a woman. Frankly, I strongly disagree with this idea. I think there's 3 ways to be a woman without having to get your bang on with a dude to have a kid. Here they are!

3. BE EDUCATED! Let's face it. Nobody likes a dumb-ass. Especially when that dumb-ass decides she's going to be cute about being stupid. 

Woman to prove my point: Jessica Simpson.... Think about it......

2. IT'S NOT A RACE TO GET YOUR BANG ON! Lately, a lot of girls, especially teens, get ostracized for whether or not they've been bumping uglies. But the problem is that in this country, it's contraversial whether or not the girl gets a proper sexual education. If she wants to find out anything, she's going to have to either find that one family member who's a little too open about her sex-capades, or Urban Dictionary it. And even if she does know, it's not guarenteed she'll actually listen. And a lot of times, it doesn't do the girl good if she does brag about it. It's okay to be comfortable with your sexuality. Not okay to brag about it. It makes you look desperate. 

Case in point: Ke$ha. She writes songs about being sleazy and drinking to make herself look cool. I actually can't stand her because she makes herself look like a partying sleaze. It makes me sad that she would hide the fact she's a History/Math nerd. Frankly, I think it's the coolest thing ever that she would sneak into college lectures when she was in high school. 

1. MAKE THE MAN COME TO YOU! NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND! Just as no one likes the dumb-ass that acts stupid because she thinks it's cute. No one likes the desperate, weak woman. If they do, it's because they think the woman's that easy to control and manipulate. As they say, a strong woman scares a weak man. How you find your strength depends on you. 

Case in Point: Whoopi Goldberg. Strange I'd throw her in this countdown, right? Well, it's mainly because she had a romance that didn't workout, but she still managed to find a successful life, even without it. She didn't let it consume her. That's how to not be desperate and weak. :) 

So that's it. THAT's how you can be a woman without popping out kids. You don't need to be a mother to be a woman. Or else it'd be a little awkward to tell the "old maids" they're just little girls because they never got married and have kids.

Awkward picture of the day!

Lets Be Honest

Lets Be Honest

So I've gotten bored enough to make another blog, and this one I'm getting paid for. So go try it! If I get 500 people referred I get paid.

Evolution of a Writer

Huzzah! I've got to say this. ALMOST DONE!!!!!!! I made it to Chapter 44 last night with the editing. Granted, I've got to go back and read 5 chapters out loud, but still! That's really far into it! That means I'm so much closer!

Ever since I was a little kid I've always wanted to publish a book. I'm sure my mom still has my makeshift Mario fanfiction I made when I was a little kid. I'd write, draw the pictures, then put it all together to make a book. Can you a imagine 8 year old drawings on notebook paper tied together with string?

Of course, once I really got into the internet, I became slightly addicted to fanfiction. For once, my writing could be published! I'm not sure if my fanfiction is still on the internet now, but it was great saying I was published. There are a couple books floating around where I've published a couple depressing poems too.

So of course, when I find other ways to get my name out there I get excited. Cause that means when it comes time to put Prophecy on the bookshelves, I'll have an easier time when more publishers know my name.

Dammit! I'm trying so hard not to make the blog about myself but about things I find strange and awkward and just plain out there, but it's not going so well! Balls!

Oh! By the way! Instead of an awkward picture this time around, here's a link to another website I have for selling It Works products. I've been busting my bum selling these things. :) So here's the link! Check it out, become a loyal customer, You know you want to! :D

https://northernmislim.myitworks.com/Home

Dirty Posts and Novel Updates

I've finally reached Chapter 30 in editing. I know, it's such an odd thing to be celebrating, but what choice do I have? It's either celebrate how close I am to finishing the nit-pick stage, or give a detailed description of Tuesdays encounter, which I don't think is the wisest thing to do. I might, in case I get tired of getting asked all the time how the surgery went. But it's not my style to make a blog all about me. Especially when there are more awkward topics out there to discuss.

Like how fun it is to post dirty-sounding statuses and then post what you really mean once you have everyone convinced you're a little perv. In reality, they're the pervs because they were the ones that thought dirty. You all know you've done it before. Posted a strange post wondering how many people would immediately take it dirtily then posted what you really mean. I can't believe I just typed dirtily. Apparently, that really is a word.

Awkward picture of the day!

How Can Wet Noodles and Cats Go Together?

One day at work, my co-worker and I were working when a customer that my co-worker knew came to the desk. They got into an interesting conversation, which I probably would've joined in on if I didn't have a customer too. The most I heard from it was, "When you get to my age..." It was bound to be interesting, seeing how this customer was an older woman. At least in her 70's. Maybe 80's. It was hard to tell because of the energy she had. After the customer left, the co-worker told me what had to be the funniest way to describe senior sex that I'd ever heard.

"When you get to be my age, it's like taking a wet, limp noodle and shoving it up a cat's ass. My mother told me that, and I never understood it until it happened to me."

Of course, I couldn't help myself. I laughed for a good five minutes. I've never heard anything like that. The co-worker disappeared for a little bit. Probably to help another customer. It was dead where I was, so unfortunately, as my brain does whenever it has a free moment. It started to wander. On a normal basis, it tries to think of ways for Prophecy to make sense. Basically, I edit in my head. Or I'm thinking of what the plot to Escape, the sequel to Prophecy, will be. That day, that was completely pushed out of my mind. Instead, I tried to picture the quote.

Fortunately, oh so fortunately! My brain understands the first rule of ANYTHING! What has been seen cannot be unseen. So any time my brain saw the noodle going anywhere near a cat, in my head, there would be howling cat sound that would break me out of my thought.

When my co-worker came back, the first thing she asked me was, "You're trying to picture it, aren't you?" I couldn't hide it. She laughed and said, "I am too." I didn't feel so alone anymore.

Awkward picture of the day!

When Things that Work for Others Don't Seem to Work for Me.

With the rise of almost everyone I know getting serious relationships, getting engaged, getting married, having babies, it kinda makes me wonder how done I really am with that part of my life. I'm not in any hurry to jump in the relationship bandwagon and find a boyfriend that could be a potential husband. From my experience, I think I'd have to go the glacier route for that to ever be the case with a guy. My life has a bad, bad pattern of getting worse if I date or get a boyfriend. But my experience also tells me that it may be rare or non-existent for me to ever get to that point.

I'm fine with it. I like doing what I want without feeling like I have to turn to somebody. I like not having to worry about whether I can follow a dream without a guy threatening to break up with me. And not having to worry if the guy will take drastic actions to keep me from going anywhere. It's actually quite nice.

So while everyone's getting relationships, getting married and popping out kids, I'll be over here going, "Hey! Look at this new thing I posted!" while simultaneously being happy for them. It works for them, but I've yet to see it really work for me.

Awkward picture of the day!

Novel Update

I'm officially halfway through with nit-picking! Granted, once I nit-pick, there's going to be a final read-through to make sure everything makes sense before I send it to the dreaded land of the publishing, but that's okay! But maybe my goal of getting Prophecy published by the end of the year will come to pass! I'd like to think that! That would be freakin epic!

Awkard picture of the day!

Damn You, Cyber-Space!

I don't know how this happened, but the internet has finally taken over my feelings in a way I didn't think was ever possible. Deleting a bunch of pictures because they showed the King of Slime has made me feel liberated.

How did this happen? I'm not the type of person that let's something as small and insignificant as facebook dictate how I feel! Yet here I am, feeling a lot better than I did a few hours ago because I deleted pictures not only from my facebook, but from my computer as well!

Cyber-space has dictated my feelings. Great job, internet! You've finally managed to control my feelings for once in my life. Balls.

Awkward picture of the day!

Another Short Story! Veldiman Legends and Fairy Tales!

Before I get to the story, let me explain something real quick. As most people know, I've been working on a novel for quite some time. In fact, I'm actually in the nit-pick stage before I send it off to the publishers! This particular novel mostly takes place in a land called Veldima. So this is one of the stories from that particular place.

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The Jeweler's Wife

Once, long long ago, in a long-lost city in the Rowan Mountains, lived a young maiden. This maiden was not rich, nor was she necessarily poor. Her beauty, however, was known through the Rowan Mountains. Her hair was like gold while her eyes were like chocolate. When she spoke, her voice was soft, but it was like listening to tiny wind-chimes.

The maiden was married to the city's jeweler. Though he lovingly doted on his wife, she didn't care for him the way he cared for her. She spent her days wondering what else was out there besides a jeweler. While her husband was blind to her true feelings, his mother was not. Every day, when they were alone together, his mother warned him that his wife would be the death of her. But the jeweler simply shook his head, saying, "Mother, that's nonsense. We love each other dearly."

"A real loving woman wouldn't always wonder what else is out there," his mother warned.

One day, while the maiden was helping her husband clean the shop after a long day, a messenger boy knocked on the door. Curious, the maiden took the paper handed to her and read it out loud.

"The prince has returned from his tour of the Rowan Mountains!" she read. "In three night's time, he will be giving a ball to find his future wife. All the single women of the Rowan Mountains are invited!"

"What about us?" the jeweler asked. "We are married, but we have no children. Are we invited too?" His wife dutifully read the invitation and shook her head. No married folks were invited to the ball.

"Well, I guess we'll be busy for the next three nights," the jeweler said cheerfully. "Come, wife, let's go to bed. We'll have a busy day tomorrow."

On the night before the ball, the maiden was having a glass of wine alone in her home. Her husband was still at the shop. As she sipped the last of her wine, a small pixie girl appeared before her. The maiden glanced at the bottle to see how much she'd drunk, but it was only the first glass.

"Are you a demon?" she asked.

"Are you?" the pixie replied.

"No," the maiden said.

"I thought as much," said the pixie, "you're unhappy aren't you?"

"There's so much more out there than being some wife of a lowly jeweler," the maiden said. "I'd love to go to the ball. Maybe marry the prince myself! From what I hear, he is quite the handsome man..."

"Done," the pixie said.

"I'm sorry?" the maiden asked, confused.

"You wish to marry a prince and no longer be the jeweler's wife," the pixie said. "Done!"

"What about my husband?" the maiden asked.

"Tomorrow, he will give you a gift," the pixie answered. "That will be the last gift you ever receive from him. Simple as that."

"I don't know what to say," said the maiden.

"Nothing!" the pixie answered, curtsying. "I'll see you again soon!" And with that, the little fairy disappeared.

The next day happened as the little pixie said it would. The jeweler came home from the shop and handed her a small gift. It was a golden chain with a heart-shaped ruby.

"I'm sorry we can't go to the ball," the jeweler said, "but I hope this gift makes up for it." He embraced his wife warmly and went to sleep. The maiden placed the necklace on herself, dressed in her finest clothes, and went to the ball while her husband slept.

Little did she know that soon after she left, her husband awakened and found she wasn't next to him. He looked around their house and found she wasn't there. He went to look for her.

He found her at the prince's ball, looking more dazzling than the day he met her. She was dressed in her best green gown, wearing the very gift he gave her that day. She danced very close to a man the jeweler immediately recognized as the prince. He felt the pain in his chest as he saw how happy she'd looked compared to how she was at his home. And then his heart shattered when he heard her speak.

"Oh, I have some jeweler chasing after me, but I don't feel any love for him. My eyes are only for you, sweet prince." The prince smiled at her words. The jeweler hung his head and walked back home. His chest heavy with pieces of his heart.

In a week's time, the jeweler fell very ill. His wife and his mother paid very high prices for a doctor, but none could find a cure for his sickness. In another week, the jeweler died, heartbroken and sad.

While the maiden showed just the right amount of sadness, his mother was heartbroken. She went mad with finding out the truth about her son. She didn't believe it was an illness but murder. The old woman called to anything that would listen to help her find her son's murderer. A pixie appeared before the old woman and confessed her part in her son's death. This pixie gave the woman her magic in hopes the woman would use it wisely.

At the jeweler's funeral, his wife stood by his coffin, wearing the last gift he ever gave her. She twisted the necklace around her fingers and gazed at the closed coffin. She bowed her head and ordered for the torch to be lowered on the coffin.

With an enraged scream, the jeweler's mother burst through the crowd. With a gnarled finger, she pointed at the jeweler's wife and screamed again.

"Murderer!" the old woman screamed. "I know what you really did! You are the reason my son is dead! Now you must pay the price!"

"You're mad with grief," the maiden said dismissively. Suddenly, the maiden felt a tightening in her chest. The pain burned within her. She grabbed at her chest, surprised to find her necklace was gone!

"I've replaced your heart with my son's gift," the woman cursed. "For the rest of your miserable life, and many lifetimes after that, your heart will be the death of you! You will never again feel the love that my son gave you!"

"I was miserable as his wife!" the maiden protested.

"And you will never know love's true goodness as your punishment!" the woman cursed again, "if you do find a man who will love you, his love will immediately cause the chain around the ruby to shatter, killing you instantly!"

"Blasphemy!" the maiden yelled. "Someone, please take this witch away from here!" Before the jeweler's mother could reply, guards come and arrested her for witchcraft. She was put to death not long after the curse. The maiden, ashamed of her deeds, soon left the Rowan Mountains and moved to the Central Point.

Years passed. The maiden had many suitors, but none of them loved her the way her dead husband did. If she fell for a man, he never reciprocated. Maybe the old woman's curse worked after all.

Until she met a baker. The moment the two of them locked eyes, it seemed the maiden would finally find a husband that would give her the same love and affection her old husband did. They were seen together every time the baker wasn't in the shop.

One day, the baker came to her home and presented her with a gift. An engagement ring.

"Will you marry me?" the baker asked. But before the maiden could happily say yes, the chain around her heart crushed her. The fragile ruby shattered into millions of pieces, and the maiden died at the baker's feet.

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Awkward picture of the day!